


With Love, Grell Sutcliff

by RuGrimm



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Advice, Bullying, Criticism, Diary/Journal, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Life Experience, Philosophy, Self-Reflection, christina grimmie - Freeform, life is too short, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-10 21:06:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 6,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7006873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RuGrimm/pseuds/RuGrimm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every day, out of the kindness of his ever red heart, Grell writes an entry to his darling fans about his observations of life and reflections of various sorts. Now, they are finally being handed out...one by one...every day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. May 28th

_To my darling admirers,_

      _As expected, my thought process works in mysterious ways, and the idea behind such a project was never anticipated yet instantly accepted the moment it arrived in my conscious. I'm not one for diaries, persay. No matter how much of a lady I am, diaries have never quite appealed to me; I believe it mostly has to do with my hectic work schedule. Nevertheless, as the mortal world appears to deteriorate before my eyes, I believe that my oddities must be set aside in order to remedy the damage that has been done._

_To the fan that is concerned for me regarding my seemingly out-of-character demeanor, I must confess that I prefer a more mellow approach in my writing to achieve finese and bring about the point I am trying to make. Although I may be long winded, and poetry is my passion, a clear, concise meaning must be achieved here, and I cannot do that if I embrace my graceful, womanly side. My pride is far to great to allow my feminine feelings to sour my reputation as an author. However, not even my coworkers seem to notice my interest in the literary field. I suppose that is due to their snobbish attitudes to those far too different to waste their time on understanding them. Call it a pet peeve of mine. Nevertheless, I couldn't care less about others' opinions. If they, or even you (dearest reader), say a negative comment, they should know full well that although I have quite behaved myself recently, that streak may end with their beautiful crimson used in creating a majestic work of art._

_Again, keep it in mind._

_So, let us get to the point._

_I may sound to educated; you may think me to be William. I may come off as too blunt; you may think me to be (again) William. However, know that it doesn't matter who I am, my most precious little ducklings. It doesn't matter where I come from, nor the color of my gorgeous hair or the shape of my lovely teeth. All that truly counts is the coming entries in which I shall bestow upon you, my darlings, what knowledge I have learned in the long existence I have had on this earth. Please take what you can from it. Learn and become better than you already are. Perhaps then, I may spare you when the time comes._

_With Love,_

**_Grell Sutcliff_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got this idea after my literary conference today and absolutely fell in love with it on the way home (which was a several hour drive). I shall try to update daily like I did with Dear No One, but I hope to do much, much better!!!


	2. May 29th

_To the younger generation (and maybe the older) of readers,_

_Why is it that our place in the world must be dictated by society? Well, perhaps not my place anymore (as I can no longer be considered_ human _), but humanity's population as a whole? Amongst the lives of those I have ended, I have noticed that your dreams and ambitions are decided not by your preference and talents, but instead by the expectations of a world that could care less about you. The fellow author who could never get anyone to listen is picking up your trash every Friday. The aspiring singer that can't find a gig is stuck bagging your groceries. The budding actor that never made auditions lives in a box down the street from your house. And there sits the child with the silver spoon who gets the world to themself._

_No, not everyone can follow their dreams. Not everyone can get what they want. However, it seems that those most deserving shall never see the sun shining upon them but instead on those whose morals are only a fraction of the wealth they posess (if their morals even exist)._

_I suppose that my want for those with a talent to get the recognition they deserve comes from the very veritable fact that any chance I had of attaining my goals and achieving my dreams was thrown away the moment I destroyed my future with my own two hands. As much as an actress I really am, I am fully aware that my dreams as a human shall never see the light of day. In this life, I have found my own goals as a Shinigami, and someday I too shall see the light of day, but it will not be because they were handed to me. Even though my darling William will attest to my faults (few in number, I am sure), I have never slacked when it came to achieving my dreams._

_Perhaps, some of the problem lies in the laziness of the newer generations and the lack of self-motivation they were taught while growing to adulthood. They, unlike those of my own generation, were never taught what it meant to work for what you want in life. It is a pity. So much is possible in today's society, yet they are limited by their peers and their own slacking demeanor. And when they fail to reach what they want, they complain and blame the world for their misfortunes caused only by their own faults. I find it sickening, to be truly honest._

_Am I ranting? Oh, I apologize cute little readers. I suppose I do that when I grow irritated. You know, it reminds me little of a monolouge, hehe! If only I could act it out in the workplace. Maybe Ronnie-kins will listen!_

_In short, I suppose my advice to you all would not to allow others to dictate what you will do in life. Do not allow gender, race, religion, sexuality, or anything else limit you in your endeavors. Fight for what you want and what you believe in. Do not fall into the temptation of laziness which is offered in abundance to all those willing to step off the path of determination for even just a moment. Learn to fight. Learn to be stubborn even when others tell you otherwise. To you, I bestow my fiery red attitude of DEATH~! Enjoy~!_

_With love,_

**_Grell Sutcliff_ **


	3. May 30th

_To my craziest fans,_

_I do not love you any less. In fact, I find the idea that so many love me enough to want to treat me with the attention I've been hoping to find from William for so long very...uplifting (to say the least). You know I love to be the one in the limelight, and since so many of you love me so, I shall revel in your attentions gleefully. However, I wonder why I have such devotion. Naturally, I am a beautiful woman with an amazing sense of humor and charm, but it appears that several of my female fans have found attraction to me despite me being of the same gender. Unfortunately, I cannot return such affections, and I ask that you keep your adoration of my gorgeous self but find someone else to return your love._

_Mortals and reapers would never last in a relationship together. Life is far too fleeting, and to be honest, most of us see you as pests under our shoes whose sole purpose to us is to give us the foregiveness and death we all eventually seek when we tire of this life. I do love you all, don't get me wrong, but perhaps such adoration would be better received by someone of the same species (and perhaps the right gender if you are a woman convinced that I am more man than woman...which I am not)._

_There is someone out there for all of us, darlings. Writing fanfictions about yourself and me together is.... ~~very disturbing~~ not going to get you the love you deserve. Trust me, I've seen enough lives to know that there is at least one out there made solely for you. In my case, that is my darling William (should he ever reciprocate my feelings), but in your case, it is not me._

_I am not be any means stating that you should stop loving me all together. No! No! Continue to shower me with your entirely true compliments and bouquets of roses, but keep in mind that your love shall only ever be returned in these letters and my silent gratitude toward your genorosity. Thank you, my darling fans for sticking with me this long and for giving me all your warm-hearted love! It is most appreciated~! Give yourselves a pat on the back and a kiss to the cheek for me._

_After all, if I didn't adore my fans, why bother with these letters?_

_With love,_

_**Grell Sutcliff**  _


	4. May 31st

_To my gracious fans,_

_There isn't truly a life lesson in this particular entry, as I have come up with the most splendid idea! It's hard to teach my subjects if I'm unsure of what they need to be taught! So here's my idea! What if I were to allow you, the lovely reader, to decide my future topics?_

_It's too good to be true, I know! But bare with me! Here's what I need you lovely little ducklings to do. Below is the comment section. Please make sure you put your name there so I know who to address it to, and then put your question/situation there. Then, I could appeal to you all better! Won't it be grand?!_

_I really hope someone posts by tomorrow or at least daily so that I may keep up with my updates. Although life does sometimes get in the way, I would like to post at least something every day to satisfy all of you. So please, please, please, put a comment below with your kindest regards. I shall address each one in the order they come, so first-come, first-serve! Thank you all so much for sticking with me this long! I truly look forward to your gracious replies!_

_With love,_

**_Grell Sutcliff_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IF YOU DIDN' GET IT IN THE LETTER ABOVE, GRELL WILL BE TAKING QUESTIONS FROM HER FANS! IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT BEAUTY, LOVE, LIFE, OR REALLY ANYTHING ELSE, PLEASE ASK IT IN THE COMMENTS SECTION!!!!  
> (I <3 caps....)


	5. June 1st

_To the ninnies,_   
_My, my, I have quite the eager fans, don’t I? To think I had so many kind responses to my latest chapter…I believe I’m quite giddy with a fiery red passion I haven’t felt in ages!_   
_Some of the responses were quite easy questions that while don’t meet my preferred criteria, they are fun to answer either way. Two of such questions were how I always look so fantabulous and why I love my darling Will the way I do even though (according to them) it is completely unrequited. I shall try to turn such questions into valuable lessons for all of you._   
_To the first question, I shall simply say that part of my beauty comes in the way I portray myself. I believe that you are whatever the ‘Highers’ created you to be (whatever deity you worship). Sometimes, they get a few things wrong, but in the long run, things are as they should be. Using myself as an example, beauty not only comes in your physical appearance, but how you choose to put it on display. Your confidence and style dictate how others perceive you. Even if someone’s physical appearance may be revolting without some…’help’ (makeup, accessories, or otherwise), if they have an enormous amount of self-confidence, such bravery is easily perceived by others. People are drawn to confidence; it is a simple fact of life. Sometimes, confidence is even contagious, and people find themselves acting like leeches in order to gain more of it. Confidence is a drug that society is eager to suck up. I suppose that my intense amount of said confidence is what draws the love of my many fans. They envy how, despite the way some treat me, I can still act like I am the top of the food chain (which I am, thank you very much). I know I’m damn beautiful, and I want everyone to know it._   
_As for the second question, I am naturally attracted to those who know and accept me as I really am. I also find men that can give me a run for my money a huge turn on~ William and I go far back to our beginning days as Shinigami. Majority of you should know our history, and I guess that I fell for him the moment I realized that he didn’t care who I was, what I looked like, or what I liked…He just wanted to get the job done. Ah~ Such a cold man, that Spears. He knows what he wants in (after)life._   
_I guess part of me is just clinging to the fact that in the several centuries of my life, William has always been a constant—someone that despite our differences…has always been there for me. Someone that…has always, and may forever be, my friend. Sure, I have my cute little Ronnie-kun to keep me company, but William…_   
_I’m sorry, my darlings, it is very difficult to explain when I, myself, do not completely understand it. The relationship we have is extraordinarily complicated; although, we act as if it isn’t. Our simplicity in the front of our colleagues is a mask to hide the true maze beneath. It is much easier to act as we always have than risk losing the simple day-to-day tasks we have always been ensured. Why confront each other and risk losing our routine when life can simply go on as it always has? Maybe I’m simply happy with the way we are now…as odd friends…and hope that one day, we may be more…_   
_Someday, my darlings, he will realize what we may have together, but until that day comes, things shall go on as they always have._   
_I suppose my lesson today, darlings is to exude your beauty through confidence…and my second would be that…just…don’t do what I have done. Do not settle for the way things are when you know they may be so much better. Your lives as humans are far too short to settle. Your lives are far too short to live without love. Gain your confidence and use it to go after what you want in life. If you have a crush, darlings, act upon your feelings. You don’t have forever. You only live once (most of the time). Trust me, you’ll end up in a world of pain if you don’t…_

_With love,_   
**_Grell Sutcliff_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the delay in getting out the latest chapter. My brother's birthday was yesterday, and as a result, I couldn't sit down and publish this chapter even though I did manage to write it yesterday. Thank you all for the kind responses, and don't be afraid to ask more than one question! If there is to be a future, I need PLENTY!!!


	6. June 2nd

_Also to the ninnies,_

_I hope you are entertained by my two publications in one day, darlings, but I got so terribly busy yesterday with a friend of mine’s birthday that I couldn’t put up my last entry. Yet, here we are, two entries in one day! I hope you’re as tickled crimson as I am, darlings~!_

_My next two questions were by the same asker as the last, and I plan to answer the question of a certain young blackbutlerfan whose question I have pondering since it was asked by either tomorrow or the day after. But soon, darling…soon. I cross my heart and hope to kill!_

_So, without further adieu, I was asked how to self-motivate to the point that one manages to do literally anything and how to talk to people. They’re quite oddly worded questions that are difficult to answer the way they were say._

_Nevertheless, I shall do my upmost!_

_Now how does one self-motivate to the point they could do anything? Well, I hate to break this to you, but no one could motivate themselves to do anything, but there is a way to motivate oneself to do something they might not want to do. Let me give you an example: PAPERWORK. I am not a very fond lover of it myself, and I would much rather be out in the field digging my precious scythe into the flesh of demons and the reels of records. Nevertheless, it is a necessary evil I must do not only to keep things in order, but to keep William from beating the shit out of me. Forgive my rudeness. I don’t really know where that came from. Let us label the slip up as sleep deprivation and the fact that I probably made someone laugh at my blurb._

_Back to the subject: to motivate oneself to do something they might not want to do nor feel like doing, you must use something you love or want to do as an incentive. Sure, you could eat that blood-filled donut now…or you could use it as a bribe. Maybe in order to get that donut, I have to do so many stacks of paperwork. Something I’ve seen Ronald do is use women as his bribe. If he doesn’t get so much done by the time he’s supposed to clock out, he can’t go on that date he set up. The real trick is actually going through with it. Perhaps, it is better to let someone help you with the incentive rather than doing it yourself. I, personally, would not rely on self-motivation, but it is an important tool to learn as no one will be there for you all the time. In terms of writing, I see my fans as my incentive. I love getting replies and comments, so I suppose with each post of this wonderful diary of mine, I get a higher chance of a comment. Darlings, let’s face it. I thrive on attention~_

_My second question was how to talk to people. It’s quite easy. You move your mouth simultaneously with your tongue and vocal cords. Ta-da…._

_No, no, no. I simply je~st! There are many ways to be talking to people. Let’s just focus on the two hardest scenarios: speaking your real opinion and speaking in front of people. Being a lover of the theatrical arts, the second comes more naturally to me. Before presenting a speech or perhaps a performance, I would think to myself that all these people are here to see ME. I am the star of the show, and the reason I’m speaking today is because no one else is good enough to. This doesn’t always work for everyone, don’t get me wrong. To some, it would simply stress them out. I would say that there’s nothing to be afraid of when speaking in front of a group. It is as simple as having a conversation with one person except there is more than one listening. Sure, all the attention is on you, but bask in it. Thrive on it. Turn it to your advantage. They won’t throw tomatoes at you anymore (it’s highly unsanitary but…very red). The worst that could happen is harsh words behind your back. So what? Don’t let it bother you. The moment you let things get to you is the moment they win!_

_If you want any more on stage fright, I could go more into depth, but I should move on to the second part of speaking: voicing your opinion. This is a little difficult for most. Unless you are blatantly honest and the perfect example of foot-in-mouth syndrome, you have bitten your tongue from time to time. In some scenarios, even I will say that keeping quiet or with-holding your true opinion really is the best. Knowing when it is best to be silent, however, is something I cannot teach. That comes with practice and a knowledge of people in general. Regardless, I can tell you how to voice your opinion when the time is right. There’s nothing to be afraid of when being honest unless it is the wrong time to do so. The best people to be honest with are your close friends and family, perhaps even your coworkers to a certain extent. When someone asks you: “Does this dress make my butt look big?”…just plain out tell them no if it doesn’t, and think of a creative way to break it to them if it does. No, don’t say: “Yeah, that dress makes your butt look like a hippopotamus’ cousins’ from the Jurassic Period’s butt!” That’s just plain ridiculous, and if you say that, their high-heels will likely end up permanently attached to your retinas. All in all, just be honest enough to get the point across but not step on any toes unless absolutely necessary. Be politely honest and make sure they understand your side of the story._

_All in all, speaking with people is a contemplation of three things: confidence, intelligence, and people skills. If you can learn all three and use them effectively, congratulations, you can do better than me! After all, I rarely take my own advice, and look where that’s gotten me._

_I hope all of you enjoyed my latest entry! Hugs and big, wet kisses for you all! Mwah~! Make sure to leave more questions for me in the comment section~!_

_With love,_

_**Grell Sutcliff** _


	7. June 4th

_My dearest followers and faithful friends,_

_I apologize for my tardiness once again! Ah, but instead of two today, I fear I shall simply post only this one. My dearest William has run me into the ground at work, and I haven't even slept a wink the past two days. Every bit of me is sore and tired; my body is begging for rest. Before, I sleep, I supposed I might address my lovelies that more than deserve an update._

_To blackbutlerfan, I apologize for again failing to address you problem as I had planned to. I had in all honestly planned to today, but with as exhausted as I am, I feel like I cannot answer your question the way I wish to...as properly as you deserve in my state of mind. Perhaps, tomorrow when I am not so fatigued? Do not feel forgotten, my dear. I will not overlook you!_

_So, if I am so tired that I can hardly think, why waste my time writing this? What life lesson could I possibly answer? Well, I believe that in my dazed mind, I do have a lesson for you all. That would not to allow reality to get in the way of a dream._

_Too often we can praise ourselves on success and intelligence, but how often are these accomplishments others praise us for our actual, intended goal? Surely a good grade (for you younger fans) or being at work all year without a single sick day were not your goals. I never wanted to be this. All I've ever wanted is sleep...not just now for a good eight hours rest. No, my darlings. My dream is to one day close my eyes and never wake up. I've waited centuries for that day to come, and worked until my hands bled for the forgiveness that may never come. Yes, I know that ending life with my own hands will not work (as I've already tried and everyone here knows what became of that)...but someday I will pass from this earth...and I honestly look forward to it. Life can only be worth living for so long. The days can only be interesting after so long. The mind is not meant to last, even if the body does. That is the problem with your medicine today. You try extending the body's life, but the mind tires even as your life spans grow._

_Do not drown yourself in what others expect of you. Stop trying to please all the people all the time. You'll only wear yourself out in the end. I know. I spent a lifetime entertaining, and even now, I suppose I'm only still just a show._

_Society may dictate what you become, but you decide how much you allow it to control you--how long you will settle for reality before you live your dream._

_As I've said, I have been worked into the ground for a while now. My body is wearing with my mind, and I believe that I have lost sight of my dream. I'm too focused on tomorrow to wonder about when I will finally achieve what I want. When I will finally find my happiness. Sometimes a one track mind leaves you unaware of the end-of-the-rail sign you just passed and the broken bridge ahead._

_Just live your lives as you imagine them to be darlings. Do not settle for what makes you unhappy just to see tomorrow through. As I have said before and may say a million times: you only have so long. Find your happiness before your mind forgets what it was in the first place._

_With love,_

_**Grell Sutcliff**   
_


	8. June 7th

_To BlackButlerFan13 and all those who are oppressed,_

_Ah~ It’s always nice to have such a cute little fan like you running around! My, I have been looking forward to my answer as much as you have! In fact, it has been in my mind all week, even as I work! Earlier, I actually got scolded for daydreaming by my darling Will all because I was thinking of an answer to you!_   
_Your situation is so very unique and centered toward you, so I will try to give you a general answer so as to keep your privacy and to appeal to all my other fans who may be reading._

_My dear, bullying is so much a constant throughout history, and it will never, no matter the efforts of today, completely disappear. The illusion of a perfect society where all individuals are equal is something I fear has been drilled into the minds of the impressionable. In all my centuries, I have learned that there cannot be peace without conflict and vice-versa. Try all you humans might, but the end result will only be a different form of oppression. I fear that with the invention of this whole…Interweb thingy, bullying and other forms of…humiliation (shall we call it) shall only change tactics to fit the technology of the age._   
_We all have our sob stories, my dear. Even I have my own. However, sharing my own experiences will do little to help you in your case. You understand what it means to be treated like (excuse my irony) cattle, and as you go on through life, such treatment will only continue. The example you have given me is one of the most drastic measures I’ve seen, but the concept of what I keep calling oppression is the same no matter the situation._

_My darlings, I know that without a doubt each one of you have been bullied in some way, shape, or form. Even the adults must conform to the hierarchy of social statuses and mistreatment from the “upper class”. In today’s world, we are forced to conform to the ideals expected of us from those who “outrank us”. The outliers are considered dysfunctional members of a society, and thus singled out to either force them into conformity or punish them for their individuality. As unique as I am, have no second thought about the words and actions of others I must endure as they persistently attack my beliefs, appearance, ideals, hopes, dreams, and other factors that make me who I am—that make Grell Sutcliff…Grell Sutcliff. The names that I constantly hear and even read are words many of you have had tossed in your direction…or perhaps even spilled from your own lips: whore, freak of nature, better off dead, disgusting, revolting, lazy, incompetent, waste of time, stupid, freakshow, unwanted, and more…_

_There’s a lot of bad things that happen to good people in the world. Karma doesn’t always work the way it should, and oft times, the people who deserve the most in the world never get the things they want…no matter how basic. Too often I see the veterans of wars current and long past sitting on the streets without so much as even a lick of food or perhaps even the respect of the people. I see the children who have done no wrong in this world locked away and forgotten in buildings where they shall never know love. Keep in mind that when things are bad, they could be worse. I shall tell you now, having been there and done that, suicide is not and shall never be the answer. Being bullied into is the stupidest reason ever, if you are considering it. Really, any reason is stupid…and…the only thing I shall ever consider as overdramatic._

_I know you aren’t considering it darling, I suppose I just thought of suicide in the midst of bullying…and I just…Suicide is a very touchy subject with any Shinigami, really. To my darling fans, I please ask that you not ask me about my personal experiences UNLESS you believe you are considering it or have a question that relates to it. Again…it’s a very sore subject._

_Now, to answer your question, I believe that bullying stems from power. People in the position of power tend to misuse it. Very few understand the responsibility that comes with it, and fewer realize they are abusing it until the damage is already done. A portion that does realize will either quit entirely or take pride in the damage that ensues. From the description you have given me, the person who oppresses you is a leech. These types feed on the misery and fear of those they bully and tend to “get a high” (so to speak) from abusing their power. They take what they can and feed on the negative energy they draw. This person knows that they are having an effect on you, and because of that, they know that they can come back any time they want and further harass you. Furthermore, you’ve let them know that you have a weakness, and in their position, they will exploit every weakness you have until you open like a little pistachio where they can pull you apart from the inside-out._

_You let them in. You let them bother you. And that was your biggest mistake. The problem with those oppressed is that they have problems telling others when enough is enough. No matter how much they try, the foot they put down always tends to slide. You keep letting them push you and push you and push you, and someday you’re going to meet a cliff. So either one of two things has to happen, you either push back or you find someone to catch you before you fall off the edge. What you’re doing right now is trying to find someone to catch you._

_My dear blackbutlerfan, I’m giving you a hand. Take it._

_Here’s my advice: don’t take that shit anymore. You’re still growing, and that’s fine, but in able to be considered an adult and find success in life, you need to stand up for yourself. Teach those who may get hurt as a result of your fighting back to also stand up for themselves. Sure, it may hurt to be outcast a while for taking a stand (sometimes it happens, I’m sorry to say), but in the long run, you’re not going to see majority of these people for the rest of your life after school. Fuck them. Do what YOUR heart dictates. Do what makes you happy. Be unique. Enjoy life. Stop letting them fucking in…stop letting them fucking win._   
_You’re a human. You deserve to be treated as such. You are not cattle. Please take what I’ve said to heart, and if you need elaboration, just ask further. I will not hesitate to ask. Truly, I love answering such in depth questions. If you can’t tell._

_Really, when I’m passionate about something, I tend to ramble and become long-winded. By the length of this entry and my mindless, incessant rambling, you can tell how emotional this topic gets me. And I’m glad! I want to help! Please, if you or any of you other darling fans have any questions, serious or not, I WILL answer as soon as possible!_

_I love you all so, so much, my darlings. Please, have fun, enjoy life, and BE SAFE._

_With love,_

**_Grell Sutcliff_ **


	9. June 11th

_To the murderers and incompetent fans who shall suffer my wrath,_

_Last night, a star who managed to catch my eye met a vibrant, colorful end that I…surprisingly…do not approve of. On my spare time, I do enjoy surfing the Internet for specific mortals who particularly catch my eye…whose talent is at times unbelievable and inspire the lives of all who discover them. One such mortal went by the name of Christina Grimmie, a little spunky girl I have had the pleasure of watching grow. Her music probably wasn't of my taste, but I believe I enjoyed her attitude and compassion more than anything. If I'd ever met the darling, I have no doubt we might have been friends. But that won't happen anymore._

_I've stopped trying to understand why you mortals do things. I don't know what would have brought someone to shoot a very talented, beautiful young girl with so many things ahead of her. What did she ever do to him? Random acts of violence are in poor taste, and I grimace at the disgusting notion of it. What makes me even sicker is the fact that all of you overlook such things._

_Well, perhaps not all of you…but majority. How many of you actually stop to turn up the volume to listen to the domestic dispute that left a woman and her children dead? How many of you held on to the death of some star you didn't know for more than a few days just to spread the gossip? Even the death of big stars eventually fades with time, and your interest in it is fleeting. Eventually, such truth will disappear into the back of your minds until it finds its relevance in a current conversation. Why is it that after years of inspiration to others, stars will only get up to a minute of a three hour show…if they're lucky? Why is it that Christina Grimmie was only given the "generous amount" of forty seconds and then replaced afterward with a half hour worth of politics? Is humanity so obsessed with the debates of the elderly that they turn a blind eye to the happenings of day-to-day life? It makes me sick._

_I do not encourage you to fester upon the bad things in life and devote your attention to death all times of the day. However, as a Shinigami, and as one who treasures the beauty of the new beginning, I ask only that you remember those you have lost for more than just a conversational topic. I ask that you pay RESPECT to the dead and those who truly knew them. The dead were people too. Treat them as such._

_For those who mourn her death as I do, I give you my condolences...I know that she inspired a lot of people to chase their dreams…and I would be honored to even do a slight margin of the good she did. I suppose Grell Sutcliff isn't much of one to be doing any 'good' persay, but I do like to make a difference in the lives of you, my darlings. I like to be able to bring a smile on your face and prepare you for a future that will one day come. Life is much too fleeting, and sometimes, like we've seen with the incident last night, it can be taken away at any time without any warning. My question is: do you want to be the one forgotten with time? Do you want to fade away into nothing more than a name on a gravestone no one remembers? If you don't, why do you do that to the dead?_

_I'm a firm believer in karma. For all the respect you show, you will get that respect back. Hehe, I guess that's why I get so many rude comments from the haters. I'm not what some would say: "a kind and compassionate person". I've had my share of snide comments and rude remarks, and as such, I have gotten them back. However, that doesn't mean that you can't, darlings. Just keep in mind you will only get as much as you dish out._

_I give you, fans of both Christina Grimmie…and more specifically her family, my deepest sympathies and condolences. From death to the living, I can guarantee that with all the good things she has done, she will be safe and happy where she is now. I know where she is. You don't need to worry. I made sure of it. After all, I look after all my darlings little fans, whether or not they want me to. You all make me who I am. You all make me happy. And in return, I give you all my love and all the advice I can offer, whether or not it is particularly good advice…_

_With love,_

**_Grell Sutcliff_ **


	10. July 31st

To my heartbroken fans and another particular fan in mind,

                Believe me when I say I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks. Unfortunately, life _(and_ the afterlife) is not kind. It never has been. The question of _how one deals with losing someone you love_ is a very…circumstantial question. I believe that there are two ways one loses someone: either through death or through a separation of paths.

                For the first situation, I can simply say that death is always guaranteed, but never truly expected (or foreseen). Death is never easy, and I doubt it ever shall be. It’s a delicate predicament that, with the wrong judgment, can lead to one’s own demise. Even as strong as I am, I have my flaws, and let me tell you from experience, that bottling one’s pain never leads positivity. To try and appear strong for others only weakens who you are inside, and the metal supports that keep you upright and sane will eventually rust and wear. You’ll become a skyscraper on the verge of collapse.

                I cannot tell you how to grieve, as everyone has something that works for them. Whether or not it is destructive, I cannot convince you against it otherwise when I am more destructive against myself more often than not. My darlings, we all know how I came to be. Let me tell you that such habits are hard to break…

                However, I can tell you what such destructive habitual practices will bring: solitude…loneliness…isolation…self-hatred… Don’t go down the path I have paved. I fear that if you do, you will, as I have, forgotten what happiness is.

                As for losing someone through a separation of paths…I have had more experience with that than I care to admit. To lose a love that you know you can no longer have…to lose a love that no longer desires your affection…It’s a wound as deep as death at times. I suppose the question most often pondered is, “What did I do wrong?”

                Telling you to accept that they were never meant for you is hypocritical of me, as I have chased William for centuries. I am too stubborn to come to terms that he will never accept me as I am because I feel that if he cannot love me, no one can. I’ve had my fair share of dark nights, darlings _. I’ve done things that would make even my lover shiver…things I could never tell him_.

                The heart is a fragile thing, and mine’s been broken so many times I doubt it would ever heal. Be I the next Virginia Woolf, I don’t think I’d mind much. It makes me giggle, I admit, to think of this as my last entry to my loving fans. Even I have my breaking point, darlings. To think, I had the delusion of being a shining star and perhaps even a role model to you all. I must be the worst role model to have written on the page. Sometimes, I wish he knew the insanity I’ve so carefully buried…the madness that leads to the late night fits of heartbreak and utter chaos. With the medication of writing to cure my wavering mentality no longer, how long until I begin to turn on myself again?

                I apologize, I should have answered your question, but I don’t think I can answer a question I do not have the answer to. All I can hope is that you don’t learn what I have through experience. All I can hope is that you do not meet my fate as well. No matter whether or not you think no one will care if you’re gone, you will end up doing more harm than good.

                I just have stopped caring. What happens to me no longer matters. My last support has left me. There’s nothing to keep from falling now.

With Love,

**Grell Sutcliff**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I was writing this more than Grell...


End file.
